Faking A Smile

Depression. 

It isn’t something that can go away overnight.

There’s nothing you can do to stop it;

You can’t always be happy, right?

Once something happens that triggers it;

It won’t go away.

That feeling becomes a part of you.

You learn how to deal with it. 

You learn how to fake a smile so nobody asks what is wrong.

You fake a smile because you don’t want to show a sign of weakness.

Once you have time to yourself, you think.

I don’t like being alone with my thoughts. 

It gives me time to remember everything I’ve screwed up.

It tears me apart.

I breakdown randomly because I let it build up inside.

I cry myself to sleep because I’m stressed. I’m stressed about life and with everything would go away;

But it won’t.

Just One Second

One Second.

That’s all it takes.

You feel amazing and high on life one minute

Than all of a sudden it strikes you.

You don’t know why,

But you feel guilty out of nowhere.

Guilty for being happy?

Guilty for having fun?

That feeling is really hard to explain.

Only people who’ve been there before know how it feels.

It’s amazing how it comes out and surprises you. 

You could be having a blast with friends,

But all it takes is that one measly second to make you feel like that.

Just one.

Time To Think

Shower and bed…

Aren’t you supposed to think in school?

Or at work?

Somewhere other than in the shower or in bed before you sleep?

I think about two different things in those two different places.

The shower is where I tend to make big decisions.

Almost life altering ones… 

In bed I think about everything that could have possibly gone wrong.

I hate going to bed,

That’s when I have time to think the most.

Horrible thoughts run through my head at night.

Why did I do this? Or that?

All the things I’ve done wrong hit me the hardest all at that time.

Thinking is my biggest fear;

It’s what can make or break me.

Wanting Something I Can’t Have

I wish I never knew what the word “want” means.

It’s either “I want this” or “I want that”.

Wants are things that tear us down.

Girls want to be skinny,

Guys want to have a six pack of abs.

I want to have a girl by my side so I’m not alone.

Wants are things we wish we had.

They are things we always think about.

Once you want it, that’s all you care about.

I want a girl,

I want a certain girl.

That’s all I care about.

I know I can’t have her, 

It sucks knowing it too. 

To have a “want” that you can never have.